Our Journey

For Better or Worse

From 9 to none!

I know I seem to be going back and forth with our experience, but I do tend to just write about what I’m feeling at the time.

Today, I wanted to share with you the numbers game…

During egg retrieval (as some would refer to as ER), they manged to collect 9 eggs. I was excited by this as I thought that those were great numbers and we’d have the ability to then freeze some!

I wanted to remember that day, the day they “fertilized my egg” so to say so, I took a photo of my palm where the embryologist had written the number of eggs retrieved.

2014-08-08 13.03.34By the time transfer day, there were 3 left & 1 was advanced with 11 cells.  That’s the one which was transferred as the other 2 weren’t as developed.

2014-08-12 18.02.55

I was told that they’d wait until the following day to see if the other 2 would develop and they’d let me know if they’re able to freeze that or not.  Unfortunately, they didn’t make it so no frozen embies for us.

 

 

 

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August 25, 2014 Posted by | IVF | , , , , | Leave a comment

Fast Forward…

It’s now August 2014, so about 14 months since I last posted.  So much has happened… travelled to so many different places, Cayman Island and got to swim with sting rays, went to Disneyworld in Orlando for the first time in my life, shopped in Miami, got to visit Taj Mahal, Jaipur, caught a train in Delhi to Agra, see the White House, the Rocky Balboa statue in Philly, see North Carolina lifestyle, see the London Eye, Buckingham Palace, walked on the London Tower Bridge, see Sagrada Familia, flew over the Alp, see an active volcano and Waikiki Beach and so much more.

So after all of these travelling, I decided it was time, time to finally settle and get our lives sorted out. Of course, discussion had to be had with the husband. I couldn’t make the decisions on my own, after all we were in a partnership.  We were going to make a decision whether to stay in Adelaide or go back to Sydney…  The conversation became debates to arguments. Husband wanted to go back and needless to say, so did I, but it wasn’t a realistic and economical decision for us. He had no intention on going back to the workforce and I couldn’t afford to support us living in Sydney.  And as contradicting as this may sound, I opted to purchase a townhouse in Adelaide instead.  I can afford to pay the mortgage here!  In fact, my mortgate was going to be less than my rent, so off I went and went through the whole process.

Next, I wanted a family so we decided to go ahead and proceed with IVF, the procedure which I put on hold for 18 months. It doesn’t come without any hurdle of course as during my blood test, they identified that I had Hypothyroidism.  My TSH which is meant to be between .4 to 4,7 was 55.24.  The specialist asked if I was feeling tired, losing hair, dry skin, feeling cold, depressed?  All of which I felt but simply ignored due to the different factors:

  • Tiredness – I was working long hours and travelled quite a bit. I drank a LOT of coffee to compensate for this although looking back, even after a few coffees, I still needed to take a nap
  • Losing hair – did’t really take much notice of it, but looking back at it now, there was a lot of hair on my carpet floor!
  • Dry skin – I simply put this to not drinking enough water due to winter hence the chapped lips
  • Feeling cold – it’s winter, you can’t help but feel cold!
  • Depressed – did I ever!  But I just put that down to stress at work & living with my parents at my age!

So after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I had to get on Thyroxin for 6 weeks and wait for my TSH to go back to normal before we could start on the process to eliminate complications during the pregnancy & the health of our potential baby.

Once my TSH was back to normal and the first day of my cycle arrived, I started with my hormone injections.  They’re as follows:

  • Gonal F every night from Day 2 of my cyle for 8 nights
  • Organlutran began on Day 6 of my cycle for 6 nights
  • Ovidrel Trigger shot was on Day 11 of my cycle
  • Egg retrieval on 8 August
  • Egg transfer on 12 August

2014-08-02 21.07.43

During the above process, my mood swings were completely out of whack!  I’m already a moody person and I got to give to my husband for being patient with me.  I’ve been teary, irritible and just plain difficult to deal with!  My breasts were very sensitive for about a week and has since gone back to normal – no pain, but still slightly bigger than normal.

It’s now 22 August, which is 10DPT and I’m starting to bleed. I’m unsure if it’s implantation or if ICSI didn’t work.  I’ve called the clinic but unfortunately I haven’t been able to get hold of a nurse and now waiting for them to call me back.

I’ve held off with POAS as I’ve been told that this can at times be incorrect and a BT would be more accurate.  Besides, husband won’t allow me to purchase them anyway as he’d prefer to wait until BT day. That’s on Monday, 3 days from now!  I’m unsure if I’m going to be able to hold off!

I’ve been a reading a lot of forums to see if this is normal and it seems that some still come up with a BFP even when they do bleed so I guess really, I won’t know until Monday afternoon!

 

August 22, 2014 Posted by | IVF | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shattered Hope….

Today is my first day of my monthly, which was a couple of days late, which is normally on time.
Was I shattered when it finally arrived this morning!

I had hoped for a miracle. I was hoping I could justify the constant craving for chocolates, the constant tiredness, but to no avail, these were simply symptoms of PMS.

The last 2 days, I dreamt of how I would tell my husband that I was late, how I would tell our family and friends that we are expecting, how I would try and avoid drinking wine with my friends during our social gatherings! Yes, it was just a dream & it was to remain a dream!

Now, to drink my tea, go for a run to clear my head and get rid of the excess junk I’ve indulged in for a week! I might as well get rid of this weight I’m putting on for no good reason!

October 26, 2012 Posted by | Feelings | , , | Leave a comment

Finding Out What I Already Know…

Finding out the results from my husband’s test yesterday was not a surprise. Although secretly, I was hoping for a better outcome.

Unfortunately my husband wasn’t able to come with me due to work commitments. Some would say that it isn’t fair for me to go alone, but under the circumstances, I didn’t mind. I wasn’t sure how my husband would have handled knowing that he had very little chance of giving me a child naturally.

I tried explaining the results to my husband over the phone without hurting his feelings. I don’t think I did a very good job at it, or at least did a good job explaining it to him as he said we’d discuss it when he got home or the following evening. (He had work commitments after work)

I’m sure that he’s disappointed and hurting inside, but he’s just not the type of person to come out with his feelings. Instead, he just keeps quite which is worse as I have no idea what he’s thinking or feeling! Does he think he’s dissapointed me? Does he think he’s incompetent? Is he in denial? Does he want to go through ICSI? I just don’t know!

It’s been over 24 hours since I’ve received the results and had ample of opportunity to discuss it with my husband, go through the forms provided to me, go through the procedure and timelines, but I haven’t had the courage to do so. All of the above thoughts are going through my mind. Maybe tomorrow I’ll discuss it with him.

Am I in denial? Am I hoping that the results might change?

Afraid so!

This morning, my best friend finally updated her Facebook status with: “Here we go again… 26 weeks to go!!” Another friend posted up a photo of their baby’s scan and 2 others had posted up photos of their new borns. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them, I’m just feeling quite dissapointed that it’s not me!

September 28, 2012 Posted by | Tests & Results | , , , , | 1 Comment

Here We Are….

There are moments when you just sit down and reflect, look back where you came from and prepare yourself for the journey ahead.

11 years ago I found my soul mate.

To make a long story short…

My best friend and I were out on a cold August evening, ready to party the night away at our usual Saturday night hang out. Little did I know, that was the evening I was going to meet him.

There we were, making a dent on the dance floor when we both saw a dark guy with a goatee and glasses dancing up on stage like he owned it. We had a giggle to ourselves and made a joke that this guy looked like Puff Daddy, not realising he was one of our friend’s friend.

We continued to mind our own business, thinking we were the coolest girls in the club. Eventually, we were introduced to ‘Puff Daddy’ where our journey began.

My husband was on a business visa in Sydney for a couple of weeks, however ended up staying for five months. We travelled to Auckland in between to renew his visa, but when it was time for him to return to Texas, I lost control. I was a mess and didn’t realise how hard I had fallen for this gentle, affectionate, persistent and loving man.

We communicated via e-mail, phone and instant messenger. He came back to Sydney every two months and I visited him in Texas every six months for the next year. I offered to move to the States, however he refused as he knew I would be away from my family. He eventually applied for his residency in Australia and made the big move. It was tough for a few years as he didn’t have a job upon his arrival. In able to keep us afloat, I worked two to three jobs.

We married in January 2011 and have been trying to get pregnant from the moment we came back from our wedding. That was 20 months ago.

In between these 20 months, 3 our very close friends (including my best friend who I was with when I met my husband) have had their first child and another is due in a couple of months.

When my best friend announced that she was pregnant, tears of joy fell down my cheeks. Although it wasn’t much of a surprise as we just came back from a couple’s trip and noticed that she wasn’t smoking, drinking and had put on weight, I was happy for her and her husband, there was no doubt about that. I now have a beautiful god daughter.

When the next friend announced that she was pregnant, again, I was happy for her and her husband as I knew they had been trying for quite some time and went through a tough time when she had miscarried a couple of months back. She now has a gorgeous little boy.

One evening early this year, a received a phone call from another friend to announce that she too was pregnant. That was a surprise as we were just discussing pregnancy a month prior during my trip back home. Again, exciting news! She now has a gorgeous little girl whom I’m looking forward to meeting next week.

A few months back, another couple of our friends asked us to come over to their house to show us their photos from their recent trip back from our homeland. I was blind sighted when they announced they too were pregnant! I wasn’t aware that they were planning to have a family, but again, tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. She’s due to give birth early November.

That same evening, the same group of friends came over to our house for dinner – to celebrate.

My husband opened a bottle of Moet and a bottle of Pol Roger to celebrate my best friend giving birth and another pregnancy on the way. The night was merry and when they all left with the exception of one other girl friend who was also trying to get pregnant & recently miscarried, had a bit of a cry reminding ourselves that within our close nit group, we were the only two left who hasn’t had their first child or expecting their first child.

There was no denying that I was happy for my girlfriends, however wondered why I wasn’t going through the same journey as them. I felt a pang of jealousy and a tinge of envy.

I soon made an appointment with the doctor to find out why it was taking us so long to conceive.

I had a blood test and ultra sound which both showed that I didn’t have any issues conceiving.

My husband then had his blood test which also showed that his hormone levels were normal, but that wasn’t enough. I made another appointment with the same doctor hoping to get further tests done for both my husband and perhaps a prescription for Clomid, but he referred us to the fertility specialist straight away.

I finally made the appointment with the specialist hoping he would simply prescribe me some Clomid to make me more fertile, but he requested I do another blood test to check if I was producing enough eggs. My husband on the other hand had to get further tests done.

A couple of weeks later, we received our results. I had plenty of eggs and was advised yet again that I didn’t have any issues getting pregnant, however my husband needed to get further tests done. The meeting with the doctor was a little mind blowing as I was expecting to be the one with the issue, however in hindsight, I wasn’t really surprised as my husband does have an illness and his medication may have affected him. The specialist mentioned that we may need to go through a procedure called ICSI which is something I have never heard of before. The only word I knew was IVF and didn’t know what the difference between the two was.

My husband had to do further tests and we’re due to receive the results in 3 weeks. In the meantime, I’ve been researching about ICSI and IVF and finding out the difference between the 2. I’ve had a bit of a cry, but know that if this is something which we have to do, then so be it.

September 6, 2012 Posted by | Tests & Results | , , , , , | Leave a comment