Our Journey

For Better or Worse

Life Full of Contradictions…

Husband & I have been living with my parents for almost 5 months now. Tonight was the first night my father actually spoke to me, I mean in terms of conversation. I don’t even know if that was a conversation or just lecturing!

During dinner my mother asked why I was going to be in the US for so long & if it was all for work. I didn’t understand why she asked me this question as she knew full we’ll that part of it is a holiday. She was there when I was having a conversation with my cousin organising the trip. Nevertheless, I told her that part of it was for a vacation. She didn’t seem pleased with my response so I asked if I didn’t have the right to have a holiday. Probably not the best thing to say, but it just rolled out f my tongue. I think she was taken aback by this & definitely my father. It clearly bothered him as he asked if I knew I was leaving someone behind, meaning my husband. Of course I knew! But I couldn’t tell him that, after all, I am still the daughter. He continued to lecture me on the following:

-my husband doesn’t work & he couldn’t understand why he can’t have job as well as study. It’s a man’s job to work for a living! I explained to him that Husband is looking for a part tim job & that husband supported me while we were living in Sydney. This just brought another question as to where my money is as I have been or working since the age of 14. I explained that I lived in Sydney & life is challenging there. That just brought on another lecture of – I should know better – meaning I should have moved back to Adelaide to void the hardship! -my mother washing his clothes. I explained that mother will not let us wash the clothes -it pains him to see me working. I explained that I enjoy my job! He still continued to say it hurts him to see me work. -my brother working night shift & then going for a run everyday! I explained that it’s his choice! -how they don’t go out eating out all the time as their income is just enough for 2! I had plenty of comebacks for that but I shut my mouth! -how they want to go on holidays too. I told him that he can too but he said it’s not that easy! Again, I had plenty to say about that too, but I shut my mouth. -how he wants to take his sister on a holiday as she’s never been on a plane.

I stopped commenting as we’d just get into an argument! There was a lot of anger and emotions flowing inside me, but I kept it all in. There was no use! All he would as is I’m defending my husband. Yes, I am as my husband has treated me well. Yes, I clean up after him, and so does my mother for him, her husband. Just before dinner, she was irritated that he wouldn’t eat dinner until she had prepared it for him. Yes, he is brings in the money and so is she! My husband was bringing in the money too, paid for my holidays in the past, took me out to dinner, bought me jewellery and more! Yes, we have arguments, yes we fight, we have challenges, but we support each other & we’re happy!

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June 6, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Homesick

I know that it’s been a while since I’ve written here…

Well, my husband & I finally relocated & I’m not really sure whether what I’m feeling is out of homesickness or loneliness.

In the past, I would simply update a cryptic status update on Facebook to express how I’m feeling, whether I’m having a good day or a bad day, but it was easier then… My family wasn’t living a few suburbs away…. They were interstate. Now, I live under my patents’ roof, I’m finding it difficult to even update my status on Facebook as I feel everyone’s eyes are on me, judging to see if I feel as though I’ve made the right move or not.

It’s a strange feeling being out of your comfort zone. You can’t express your true feelings, your true self!

So, here I am, expressing myself on this page – for strangers to see!

I’m lonely! And yes even with my husband around.
You see, we had a pretty huge argument the day before we were moving!
I was a complete bitch, where I called him useless who couldn’t keep a job & now I have to support him! (God! Writing this upsets me! I haven’t been able to fully express this to anyone!)
He of course got upset to the point where it’s been 5 days and we’ve barely spoken. This I’m finding hard too since we’re the kind of couple who say “I love you!” to each other at east 10x per day, give each other kisses & hugs pretty much every hour.

Another thing which upset me is that today my younger brother pretty much tells me that I’m not stable and won’t buy a house with me. Quiet offending really! The fact that he said this in front of my parents, especially my father upset me even more. He didn’t have faith in me & has no idea how much money I earn nor how much money I have in the bank. This was purely his judgement because my husband and i decided to move in with my parents. I tried to hide my disappointment and hurt by just walking away and pretended that I had to continue my work… I really just went back to my office to have a bit of a teary moment.

I really have no one to speak to about this.
I’d prefer not to discuss this with my husband as he would simply get upset & that’s the last thing I want to do. He doesn’t need to know the family issues we’re having as this will simply make him feel uncomfortable.

I don’t want to speak to my friends about this as I don’t want them knowing the challenges I’m facing. There’s nothing they can do and therefore see no point.

It’s definitely hard losing your independence and your privacy!
I remember feeling this exact loneliness when I moved out of this exact same city. Now that I’m back, I’m feeling it all over again.

January 21, 2013 Posted by | Feelings | , , , , | Leave a comment