Our Journey

For Better or Worse

Not Quite Ready Yet…

My 2 best friends know about us trying out IVF. I’ve kept them up to date except when I found out about my negative result. I did update my Facebook status the other day with “First day back to running in over a month….” hoping it’d be enough for my 2 besties to get the message without having to actually tell them the results. I came to realise that I wasn’t ready to speak about it just yet.

Now I understand why people don’t normally broadcast going through IVF or falling pregnant until 12 weeks. It’s too hard to actually talk about it & I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or my husband.

I’ve sent my besties a message advising them that it didn’t work out, both husband & I are ok, but not ready to talk about it. Message & privacy accepted. Hopefully it wasn’t too harsh for either of them.

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August 26, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

New Beginnings or Denial?

I’m really not sure if what I’m feeling is denial or am I stronger that I thought? I still haven’t cried, but I’ve had my quiet moments, feeling sorry for myself & for my husband, had a couple of cider and wine, but I’ve also tried not to dampen my relationship with my husband so we still had a few laughs here and there.

I went back to running today after a month off and determined more than ever to lose the belly I had before IVF which grew during the process.

I must admit, for a while there, I ate whatever I wanted with ver little guilt! I didn’t care as I felt I could hide the weight I was putting on during the pregnancy I was hoping for. Well, it’s now time to face the fact that if my belly grows, it’s not because there’s a life growing inside me, but simply fat accumulating in my tummy!

It’s also time to start saving again for the next round of treatment, so looking at working on my candles again to make some extra money to fund this.

I’m sad, excited and determined. I’m not going to give up on this! This is just another stumbling blocks given to us to test how strong we can be!

August 24, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Life Full of Contradictions…

Husband & I have been living with my parents for almost 5 months now. Tonight was the first night my father actually spoke to me, I mean in terms of conversation. I don’t even know if that was a conversation or just lecturing!

During dinner my mother asked why I was going to be in the US for so long & if it was all for work. I didn’t understand why she asked me this question as she knew full we’ll that part of it is a holiday. She was there when I was having a conversation with my cousin organising the trip. Nevertheless, I told her that part of it was for a vacation. She didn’t seem pleased with my response so I asked if I didn’t have the right to have a holiday. Probably not the best thing to say, but it just rolled out f my tongue. I think she was taken aback by this & definitely my father. It clearly bothered him as he asked if I knew I was leaving someone behind, meaning my husband. Of course I knew! But I couldn’t tell him that, after all, I am still the daughter. He continued to lecture me on the following:

-my husband doesn’t work & he couldn’t understand why he can’t have job as well as study. It’s a man’s job to work for a living! I explained to him that Husband is looking for a part tim job & that husband supported me while we were living in Sydney. This just brought another question as to where my money is as I have been or working since the age of 14. I explained that I lived in Sydney & life is challenging there. That just brought on another lecture of – I should know better – meaning I should have moved back to Adelaide to void the hardship! -my mother washing his clothes. I explained that mother will not let us wash the clothes -it pains him to see me working. I explained that I enjoy my job! He still continued to say it hurts him to see me work. -my brother working night shift & then going for a run everyday! I explained that it’s his choice! -how they don’t go out eating out all the time as their income is just enough for 2! I had plenty of comebacks for that but I shut my mouth! -how they want to go on holidays too. I told him that he can too but he said it’s not that easy! Again, I had plenty to say about that too, but I shut my mouth. -how he wants to take his sister on a holiday as she’s never been on a plane.

I stopped commenting as we’d just get into an argument! There was a lot of anger and emotions flowing inside me, but I kept it all in. There was no use! All he would as is I’m defending my husband. Yes, I am as my husband has treated me well. Yes, I clean up after him, and so does my mother for him, her husband. Just before dinner, she was irritated that he wouldn’t eat dinner until she had prepared it for him. Yes, he is brings in the money and so is she! My husband was bringing in the money too, paid for my holidays in the past, took me out to dinner, bought me jewellery and more! Yes, we have arguments, yes we fight, we have challenges, but we support each other & we’re happy!

June 6, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment