Our Journey

For Better or Worse

Homesick

I know that it’s been a while since I’ve written here…

Well, my husband & I finally relocated & I’m not really sure whether what I’m feeling is out of homesickness or loneliness.

In the past, I would simply update a cryptic status update on Facebook to express how I’m feeling, whether I’m having a good day or a bad day, but it was easier then… My family wasn’t living a few suburbs away…. They were interstate. Now, I live under my patents’ roof, I’m finding it difficult to even update my status on Facebook as I feel everyone’s eyes are on me, judging to see if I feel as though I’ve made the right move or not.

It’s a strange feeling being out of your comfort zone. You can’t express your true feelings, your true self!

So, here I am, expressing myself on this page – for strangers to see!

I’m lonely! And yes even with my husband around.
You see, we had a pretty huge argument the day before we were moving!
I was a complete bitch, where I called him useless who couldn’t keep a job & now I have to support him! (God! Writing this upsets me! I haven’t been able to fully express this to anyone!)
He of course got upset to the point where it’s been 5 days and we’ve barely spoken. This I’m finding hard too since we’re the kind of couple who say “I love you!” to each other at east 10x per day, give each other kisses & hugs pretty much every hour.

Another thing which upset me is that today my younger brother pretty much tells me that I’m not stable and won’t buy a house with me. Quiet offending really! The fact that he said this in front of my parents, especially my father upset me even more. He didn’t have faith in me & has no idea how much money I earn nor how much money I have in the bank. This was purely his judgement because my husband and i decided to move in with my parents. I tried to hide my disappointment and hurt by just walking away and pretended that I had to continue my work… I really just went back to my office to have a bit of a teary moment.

I really have no one to speak to about this.
I’d prefer not to discuss this with my husband as he would simply get upset & that’s the last thing I want to do. He doesn’t need to know the family issues we’re having as this will simply make him feel uncomfortable.

I don’t want to speak to my friends about this as I don’t want them knowing the challenges I’m facing. There’s nothing they can do and therefore see no point.

It’s definitely hard losing your independence and your privacy!
I remember feeling this exact loneliness when I moved out of this exact same city. Now that I’m back, I’m feeling it all over again.

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January 21, 2013 - Posted by | Feelings | , , , ,

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