Our Journey

For Better or Worse

Baby Talk Again…

Over a week ago, my husband and I were due to go back to Adelaide to visit our family before the Christmas period. I know it seems quite early, but as everyone is going overseas a month before Christmas, it seemed the perfect time.

Plus, it was my brother’s 40th on Saturday.

My husband and I opted to leave our car at my best friend’s apartment as she lived close to the airport. I was going to work from her place on that day, but my instinct told me not to as I wasn’t really in the mood to discuss our difficulties in getting pregnant with my best friend. Although she’s aware of it already as we discussed it over skype one day, I wasn’t ready for the face to face conversation. I didn’t want to be upset by the situation.

I booked a taxi from her place 5 minutes after we arrived at her place. Just enough time to say hi and good bye, but as we got upstairs, her husband was home early from work which normally means he would offer to take us to the airport. Not that I wasn’t appreciative, I just didn’t want to give them the opportunity to ask any questions. As it turned out, I cancelled the taxi as they were insisted he take us to the airport.

As we were chatting, my best friend looked at me and said she had something to tell me. I looked up at her and said jokingly: “You’re pregnant!” Was I ever surprised when she broke down in tears!

One, I didn’t expect her to be pregnant so soon. She only gave birth 7 months ago! Two, why was she crying? Was she not happy?

I asked her what was on my mind and her reply was: “You know why!”

I didn’t!

She pulled me aside to the nursery where she continued to cry & she finally managed to say that it was the wrong time as she knew we were having difficulties conceiving.

I was shocked by this as I was not expecting it. I wasn’t even thinking of the situation which my husband and I were in. I was just happy and excited for her. I consoled her and told her that it was fine, not to worry about us as we knew what we needed to do to make our own family.

As my husband and I boarded the plane, I sent my best friend a message to let her know we were ok and that we will be ok, but as I watched the in-flight entertainment, I started to get teary.

My joy and excitement for my best friend and her family continued, but I wondered why we were put in this situation. Not only does my husband have a serious kidney condition, but we now also face the challenge and the possibility of not having our own family. It broke my heart, but didn’t allow my husband to see the pain which hit me.

While in Adelaide, I took the opportunity to meet another girlfriend’s baby girl. She’s only about 5 weeks old and of course gorgeous. I held her from the moment we walked and she barely cried, at least until we were about to leave as she was hungry. While talking, all I hoped for was for my friend and her mother not to ask when we were going to plan on having our first child. It would just make it an uncomfortable situation as neither of them knew of our situation. Thank goodness no-one raised this question. I would have been open with my friend had she asked, but preferably on a one on one basis.

My aunt whom I approached a few weeks back came over to my mother’s house one evening. We chatted a bit about IVF as I knew that she done the procedure a few times. She openly informed me that she went through the cycle 3 times and all of these times, she wasn’t successful. I knew how much she wanted to have a child of her own as she treated all of my siblings, cousins and myself as her own. She encouraged me to go through the procedure. She advised me to do this now and not to wait any longer to which I agreed with of course.

We find out my husband’s result this Thursday from our specialist. Hopefully this will guide us as to what our next steps will need to be.

September 24, 2012 - Posted by | Feelings | , , ,

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